Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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