I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You ate ashes out of my bong
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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