Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
