I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
