it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
