we have officially lost it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think I sprained my soul last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
