dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hippo gnu deer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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