just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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