you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
