WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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