I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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