is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
