He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
