if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
