Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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