Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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