why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
