Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
