Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
