I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize