Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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