last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
