I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
