I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
