it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
