i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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