Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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