you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i would punch a child for taco bell
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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