shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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