Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
