he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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