Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
