dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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