he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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