I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
