Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
