put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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