Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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