Having a random hookup so left but love u
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
