the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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