The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
