his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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