If that was your dad, he is hot
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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