summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
