I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize