He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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