Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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