I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
