i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
