I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
ttyl tear gas
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My life is pants optional.
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