I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
