Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
