I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
