Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And the cops told us we were all naked.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
