he puts the penis in happiness.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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