I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
