True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
vagina is talking i cant
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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