nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
third nipple confirmed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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