tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
