Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
