he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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