Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my liver is dry heaving
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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