Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
