I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
