I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
