Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
