he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
