I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
