He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
