oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
