ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't put those talents on a resume
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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