I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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