I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I look better un-naked...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
