I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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