It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
