You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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